One sided Commitment-Can Relationship Survive or Do You Throw It Away?

one sided commitmentYes, a relationship can survive on a one-sided commitment, just depends on whether you find the side you’re on or  role you’re in acceptable. Are you the task master or controller in your relationships; the one who personally sees that all is taken care of, always giving 150% (the parent type) or, the one who merely gleams from the relationship; taking 150% without giving back (the one who likes to be taken care of-the child type)? Before we go any further, you can exist in such a relationship but must realize that this isn’t healthy, regardless of whether you’re the controller/caregiver or the taker/receiver.

The giver side of the relationship is typically the one who takes on the tasks and keeps things running smoothly without asking for much in return, other than the knowledge of being needed. The receiver/taker loves this symbiotic relationship; reaping the rewards yet allowing for the control needs of the other.  If you take the time to look around, you will notice that there are a lot of relationships that exist in ways such as this. As for the long-term survival rate, I really can’t say but I would bet my bottom dollar that eventually the taker/receiver would get bored with the control needs of the other and step out.

In a healthy relationship, both sides need to be responsible for their own physical and emotion status, not relying on another for validation of who they are. A relationship should be static with its participants moving in and out of the adult/child roles (giver/receiver) according to needs. A relationship based on a one-sided commitment is not as flexible and long-term growth potential is stunted. Do you invest time or do you not in such a relationship?

Relationships needs to be based on mutual giving, love, trust and support. If not a mutual investment, then you are fooling yourself into believing a one-sided commitment will blossom into something it won’t. The more vested you are in such relationships, the easier it is to lose your true self or identity, secondary to the lack of a fully vested partner and the normal give/take dynamics of a healthy relationship.  Your life will fly by and you will always be wondering why your absent partner doesn’t respond the way you want him or her to and, whether or not the day will come that he or she actually will.

The question is, do you give up and throw the absent partner under the bus? Our society is very much geared to “throwing broken things away”, rather than taking the time to fix whatever it is. Isn’t this the way we treat relationships as well, looking at the current statistics touting a high percentage of divorce rates. This is where it gets hard and is a gamble made from the shoes you’re wearing. You can get advice from anyone and everyone but the only one who can make that decision is you. Best approach is to step back, analyze the good and the bad; writing down your goals/dreams/principles and really think about the big picture and whether or not there is truly potential for a melding and mutual partnership. At some point down the road, determine through mutual discussion, whether or not a future is in order, using logic and being realistic. Sounds easy but if one doesn’t put out the efforts to confront reality-good or bad-you might be missing out on the experience of a truly committed relationship and the blessings it may bring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

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